Unacceptable words and phrases – Predicting the Future

While everyone argues about monkeys and mothers, we should be thankful that cricket has not been taken over by lawyers (of the american kind!), atleast not until now. Assuming that they are going to take over the future, the following are some words and phrases that may get you in trouble if used on the field:

1. Batsman – Too gender specific when other terms such as bowler, fielder are not. Possible replacement “batsperson”

2. Fast/slow bowler – Speaks to a person physical abilities, not acceptable. Possible replacements are “bowler who bowls at speeds at 120kmph or higher” etc.

3. Little Master or Little Champion – Speaks to a person’s physical disability and distinguishes between people’s roles, are players are equal.

4. Fielding positions like “silly point”, “short leg”, “long leg”  for obvious reasons – Replacements are “position that is at 30-45 degrees from the batsperson and at a distance not greater than 2 meters” etc.

5. Balls – May be used as slang term indicating body parts, not accceptable – Replacement can be “a leather item that is spherical in shape”

6. People with names that can offend others or other professions are not allowed, e.g., “Darling”, “Engineer”, “Taylor” etc – Replacements have “person whose name rhymes with professional who stitches clothing” etc.

And on and on..

I will leave you to imagine providing ball by ball (oops, I mean “a leather item that is spherical in shape” by “a leather item that is spherical in shape”) commentary using such a scenario……..

– Cheers,


5 responses to “Unacceptable words and phrases – Predicting the Future

  1. Mark from Sydney

    Very Funny! This would restrict Kumble to bowling leg spinners only. Top spinner is elitist and suggests supremacy. Whilst wrong ‘un automatically rules itself out.

    Of course poor old Brad Hogg wouldn’t be able to bowl at all as he bowls “Chinaman”.

    Also “slip” is a term used to describe a womans undergarment. The thought of Hayden, Ponting and Clarke fielding in slips could put me of the game entirely!

  2. hilarious compilation man. A bit like an headline in the aussie paper which read ,”Symonds Banney Hanuman.” But seriously i believe that the ICC doesn’t really care abt racism in cricket coz it really doesn’t care for the game in the first place. Try coming out with more of em. Also if you want to read my views on the ICCs slowmoving ways then read my post at electric wicket – ICC Needs Afterburners on its Backside (should have been arse – but its a family blog and the anti-defamation laws are pretty strict)

  3. @Mark: Yeah Brad Hogg would certainly need a change of profession all together. I wonder how will an umpire react, maybe a decade from now, if called “A Bucknor.” That will be taken as a pejorative. A good time for Lawyers to fish for clients in the cricketing faternity, a lot of anti-defamation suits.

  4. Another twist to the monkey tale. This article from cricinfo has an excerpt written by gavaskar himself making m*** references to carribeans.

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