In reverse batting order are…
10. The Indian team statistician is unable to fit Sehwag’s scores to any distribution to predict future scores. The Indian team will continue to retain Sehwag at the top till his scores become statistically significant (or insignificant) even though his outliers typically are match winning innings.
9. Gautam Gambhir has been bitten by the T20 virus. He does not believe a hundred is possible within the time allocated to him.
8. Rahul Dravid has been bitten by the T20 virus. He does not believe a 50 is possible within the time allocated to him.
7. Sachin Tendulkar was only interested in crossing Brian Lara’s mark. Otherwise he would stayed on and scored a hundred or more. (I mistakenly asked him if he was interested in beating the next record of Lara’s 400, he said “Yes” which means that India will not be able to win matches till Tendulkar retires since he will stay at the crease forever.)
6. VVS Laxman is only interested in batting well under pressure in the second innings and is reckless in the first innings when things are going well for India. This means that, for Laxman to play well, India will always have to be under pressure in the second innings which does not bode well for the future of Indian cricket. He should consider retiring next.
5. Saurav Ganguly only plays well when he announces his retirement. He should have done so in 1996 itself so that he could have played in the last 12 years.
4. Ishant Sharma was sent in to partner Ganguly so that Dada could influence him to change his hairstyle. That way Dada cannot blame Ishant for changing his hairstyle more often than taking wickets.
3. Dhoni decided to wait to come in to bat till Ganguly gets out so that he does not lose his hair like Sehwag did. Baldness is Dada’s curse!
2. Kumble has acquired a new habit of lying. In the Bengaluru test, he played even though he was carrying an injury. He declared himself fit yesterday and pulled out this test match claiming that he was carrying an injury. Kumble should face a lie detector test before the next game.
1. Dhoni, at the toss, claimed that Amit Mishra is in the team because he is a different bowler from Kumble hinting that he spins the ball more than the Kumble. This clearly demonstrates that Dhoni does not like south indian cricketers.
I have no hopes that India will win this game because of their performance on the first day. Even if they do so, I will still write a column criticizing their actions on the first day because I believe in integrity and fair reporting.
– Srikanth (Freelance reporter with a cricket experience of fielding at third man as a substitute for 12 school games…..)