Daily Archives: 7 March 2011

Ravi Shastri, the Tracer Bullet

We still have 2 days for the next India game to commence against The Netherlands in the Cricket World Cup 2011.

I believe we also have two days to celebrate the downfall of a few useless players that MS Dhoni seems to like a lot — Piyush Chawla, RP Singh and Ravindra Jadeja, to name a few! For, how else can you explain their presence in Team India?

Normal programming should resume for the next game against West Indies, I believe, when R. Ashwin takes up the bowling for India — perhaps even within the first five overs.

But I thought we would lighten up the spirits — partially motivated by this effort — and pull together a compilation of Shastri-isms.

In general, if you want to speak like Shastri, it is best that you do not visit the toilet for about 22 days on the trot. Constipation tablets help too; the sort that creates, not cures, constipation! Having reached that state, all you then need is memorize and randomly use any of the phrases below. The 22-day constipation state will give you your voice. The rest is easy!

  • That shot raced to the fence went like a TRACER bullet
  • That will do his confidence a world of good
  • Dhoni will have to manuFACTture something here now
  • Dhoni will have to get a wicket soMEhow
  • India just HAS to get a wicket from someWHERe (like a sports shop perhaps?)
  • That is just BRILLiant captaincy
  • There is a LOT of cricket left in this game you know
  • Edged……………………… and TAKENNNNN
  • As long as Sachin is there, you can never write off India
  • As long as DHOni is there, you can never write off India
  • As long as SHEWAg is there, you can never write off India
  • As long as BHAJji is there, you can never write off India
  • GamBHIR is a little fighter. As long as GamBHIR is there, you can never write off India
  • India dePEND on Sachin just TOO much
  • Zaheer is a much improved bowler these days
  • This is a BIG game for these two sides
  • You can never write off this side
  • You can just feeeeel the atmosphere in this ground
  • The crowd is just elecTRICKKKK
  • This crowd has just come alIVE
  • This game has been set up so niCELy
  • This is JUST what this game needed
  • This is a craCKERJACK of a game
  • This spell will be CRUCial
  • This partnership will be CRUCial
  • This old ball will be CRUcial
  • This new ball will be CRUcial
  • We are in for a humdinger of a game here
  • That ball was SWEETly timed
  • That ball RACes to the fence (this is when he discards the TRACer bullet reference)
  • What a game this has been
  • Look at his concentration! Sachin TENDulkar looks set for a LONG innings folks
  • And uPP goes that DREADed fingER
  • That was JUST what the doctor ordered
  • This match is going down to the wire
  • So MS what was it like out there (“Well of course”)
  • And Dhoni goes for the maXIMum
  • I have a feeling that one of them is going to cuT LOose now
  • This is India’s LASt recognized pair out there (when Sreesanth and Munaf Patel are batting)
  • I just get that feeling India are going to romp home with a win here (he gets lots of “feelings” you know!)

Please add…

– Mohan (@mohank on Twitter)