Ravi Shastri, the Tracer Bullet

We still have 2 days for the next India game to commence against The Netherlands in the Cricket World Cup 2011.

I believe we also have two days to celebrate the downfall of a few useless players that MS Dhoni seems to like a lot — Piyush Chawla, RP Singh and Ravindra Jadeja, to name a few! For, how else can you explain their presence in Team India?

Normal programming should resume for the next game against West Indies, I believe, when R. Ashwin takes up the bowling for India — perhaps even within the first five overs.

But I thought we would lighten up the spirits — partially motivated by this effort — and pull together a compilation of Shastri-isms.

In general, if you want to speak like Shastri, it is best that you do not visit the toilet for about 22 days on the trot. Constipation tablets help too; the sort that creates, not cures, constipation! Having reached that state, all you then need is memorize and randomly use any of the phrases below. The 22-day constipation state will give you your voice. The rest is easy!

  • That shot raced to the fence went like a TRACER bullet
  • That will do his confidence a world of good
  • Dhoni will have to manuFACTture something here now
  • Dhoni will have to get a wicket soMEhow
  • India just HAS to get a wicket from someWHERe (like a sports shop perhaps?)
  • That is just BRILLiant captaincy
  • There is a LOT of cricket left in this game you know
  • Edged……………………… and TAKENNNNN
  • As long as Sachin is there, you can never write off India
  • As long as DHOni is there, you can never write off India
  • As long as SHEWAg is there, you can never write off India
  • As long as BHAJji is there, you can never write off India
  • GamBHIR is a little fighter. As long as GamBHIR is there, you can never write off India
  • India dePEND on Sachin just TOO much
  • Zaheer is a much improved bowler these days
  • This is a BIG game for these two sides
  • You can never write off this side
  • You can just feeeeel the atmosphere in this ground
  • The crowd is just elecTRICKKKK
  • This crowd has just come alIVE
  • This game has been set up so niCELy
  • This is JUST what this game needed
  • This is a craCKERJACK of a game
  • This spell will be CRUCial
  • This partnership will be CRUCial
  • This old ball will be CRUcial
  • This new ball will be CRUcial
  • We are in for a humdinger of a game here
  • That ball was SWEETly timed
  • That ball RACes to the fence (this is when he discards the TRACer bullet reference)
  • What a game this has been
  • Look at his concentration! Sachin TENDulkar looks set for a LONG innings folks
  • And uPP goes that DREADed fingER
  • That was JUST what the doctor ordered
  • This match is going down to the wire
  • So MS what was it like out there (“Well of course”)
  • And Dhoni goes for the maXIMum
  • I have a feeling that one of them is going to cuT LOose now
  • This is India’s LASt recognized pair out there (when Sreesanth and Munaf Patel are batting)
  • I just get that feeling India are going to romp home with a win here (he gets lots of “feelings” you know!)

Please add…

– Mohan (@mohank on Twitter)

25 responses to “Ravi Shastri, the Tracer Bullet

  1. Some more Shastriisms!!
    – That stint with Worcestertesterssheerisire did him a world of good!!
    – It is only fair to say that the better team won!!

  2. Ladies and Gentlemen…..(He will shout at the top of his voice whether the crowd makes noise or not)

  3. There’s a BUZZ around this ground now!

  4. iyershivkumar17

    This is just what the doctor ordered!!!

  5. HAHAHA !!! Man this post was long awaited. I think the best example of Shastri-ism is his commentary during Yuvraj Singh’s six sixes in the T20 world cup. He almost came on to the field and kissed Yuvraj ! I think Manjrekar and Gavaskar are coming close though – their adolescent fascination for Yusuf Pathan was weird in yesterday’s match.

  6. Terrific post. Or should I say “TERRific post”! Why not do a series of these? One on Bill Lawry would be great, although in Lawry’s case I think the guy is only half serious with his cliched expressions (like “Got immmm” or “It’s all happening here”). The problem with Shastri is that the guy is actually serious and intense and means all of this stuff that he says, as though it is good commentary!

    Anyway, you forgot:
    – This is a maSSIve moment in the contEXT of this game
    – BRILLianT
    – What a MOmenT this is
    – How do you feel after this PULsating game (“well of course”)

  7. Nice blog………………

  8. nice blog………..

  9. great! pl continue

  10. Great post. Good work. Here’s another one!
    – That ball had four written all over it!

  11. cometh the hour, cometh the man!!

  12. “Really tighten the screws around South Africa” – a bit crude

  13. reAL problems here for (insert captain/team name)
    JAMpacked stadium
    (insert team name) PULLing things back
    WHAt a start this is for (insert team/player name)

  14. “The tension is mounting, x balls since the last boundary, I just get the feeling that something is going to give a way here”

  15. Here is one of the most annoying and to top it off , the sentence is grammatically wrong – “YOU CAN ” BE” REST ASSURED ” ! You would think that a guy who has been speaking on public forums for close to 2 decades will correct himself someday but no such luck !

  16. hasn’t used it of late though still golden ‘That is his food and drink shot’

  17. LOL. He is even more charged up than Siddhu when doing com

  18. Listening to RS commentating MI vs CSK
    Every now and then dig one in short
    The odd ball keeping low
    Spinners will come into play
    Great opportunity here for someone like
    Two is the call…. settle for the single
    He knew exactly what he was doing
    Another jammpackdd stadium here today
    Atomsphere down there must be electifying

  19. This could be trouble
    They might have just got their man
    Big match for both these sides

  20. I think (INSERT NUMBER HERE) would be their first TAARgett from HEar
    Brings up the FIFTY for (insert name here)
    Such a good all round player Hes got PHAAA hes got PHUNCH
    Looks to take the aerial route
    He’s held this innings together
    So work to be done HERE for (Insert team here)
    They’ve come out in NUMBErzz here today

  21. Ravishankar Jayadritha Shastri (born 27 May 1962) was an all–rounder who batted right-handed and bowled left arm spin. His international career started when he was 18 years old and lasted for 12 years. He started his career purely as a bowler but gradually became more of a batsman who could bowl.

  22. Well, have a look into the routine daily life of Mr Tracer Bullet –

  23. ivfdwi That’s a nice post. ivfdwi

  24. – The atmosphere here is EElectrifying!
    – Rapped on the PADS

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