The World Cup Blahs!


I watch this world cup unfold and cannot but ignore the strange things happening on and off the field. Mohan’s tweets (Mohan, I am not sure I have become savvy enough to link your tweets on this blog, so I will let you figure it out!) have wonderfully captured the humor around the various situations that have occurred during the tournament. It will be worth getting a compilation of his tweets and possibly auctioning them off for a good cause. An introductory training course on wicketkeeping for Kamran Akmal, perhaps!! Anyway, I have attempted in my mediocre way of compiling some of my thoughtless observations. Here goes..

The one on top of the list is the Indian team composition. I suggest hiring a highly qualified investigator/analyst to try and figure out the strategy of selecting the final x1. It may be worthwhile hiring a linguistic expert to try and figure out what comes out of Dhoni’s mouth when he is asked to explain the strategy. It seems that the best position to be in for a good player is not in the playing X1. If you have had disturbed childhood, suicidal tendencies, parental abuse, girlfriend problems, weight issues, or any such factors that have made you visit a psychiatrist weekly, you are guaranteed to play in the final X1.

A close second is the team composition of the Pakistani team. Even betting as a strategy may not succeed. I mean, imagine, somebody trying to bet on Kamran Akmal dropping a catch! Abdul Razzaq reminds me of Ravindra Jadeja in the recent times or Ajay Jadeja of the past. More than likely, he is going to score when Pakistan is destined to lose. I have lost track of their batting lineup. Is Saeed Anwar still in the side? If not, maybe he should!!! I thought Younis Khan was a safe catcher. Or was it Mohammed Yusuf?  Irregardless, Pakistan is able to creep into the next stage of every world cup with any lineup that they gather!!! So much for strategy…

If any Pakistani fails to make it to the lineup, he has two choices. He should talk to the News of the World, or better, immigrate to South Africa. That way, they can atleast attempt to spin a web around others’ throats and avoid choking themselves. The one thing that I am certain about, South Africa will not win this world cup, possibly not the next or the one after…. The most effectiveness sledge word on the field would be “choke” when they play. South Africa  in a world cup remind me of Ivan Lendl at Wimbledon. They will successfully retain the “choke” title and Lance Klusener will be there to comment on it!

Ravi Bopara scores and is rewarded by being dumped for Collingwood. Collingwood has more or less “limited” his options to T20 will his limited perfomances. Pietersen gets hernia and Bopara’s hopes are raised only to be dashed by the arrival of Eoin Morgan. If Bopara does not play any more games, he might as well consider using the race card!!! Or consider immigrating to South Africa. They are open for business!!

Doug Bollinger decides to train to handle harsh Chennai weathers in April and gets replaced by Michael Hussey. Hussey has apparently developed an unplayable inswinging yorker in the last month or so!!! For someone who was dropped, insulted, and abandoned, the Aussies seem to be placing all their World Cup hopes on Hussey. I guess he bats, fields, and apparently bowls better than anyone else on the team. And he is also mentally stronger!!! R. Ashwin, you might want to consider immigrating to Australia!!

If I have advocated India to playing only three frontline bowlers (if Piyush Chawla is good enough, they might as well replace him with Suresh Raina and it wouldn’t make a difference!!), the Sri Lankans may simply leave the bowling responsibilities with Malinga and Muralitharan. That way they can bat all the way till no:10, and they might need that…. If Malinga gets injured, there is a probabilistic chance that the game may get rained out. That way, they at least gain a point!

On a serious note, I am actually intrigued by the West Indies team. I haven’t seen this lineup much but am looking forward to watching the likes of Darren Bravo, Kemar Roach, and Suleiman Benn against the Indians even if it comes at the cost of tolerating the old guard, Chanderpaul and Sarwan…

If there are other teams playing in the World Cup, nobody told me about it!!!

– Srikanth

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7 responses to “The World Cup Blahs!

  1. Good one. Dhoni gave one more hint prior to this match. “Then, I can’t ask Sehwag, Gambhir or Virat (all Delhi players) to step down on their home ground”

    http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-03-09/news/28672297_1_ms-dhoni-fielding-virat

    If you are playing in front of your home ground, it is more likely that you will play. So Ashwin will play the Ind-WI match. YES!!!

  2. Poor netherlands is in the world cup too!. The Hindi commentator did not know the name of the country and was constantly referring to it by one of its provinces. The English commentator went one step further making The Hague its capital and Amsterdam its beautiful port city!

  3. The Pakistan batting line up comprises of eight Yusuf Pathan with the last of them masquerading as Adbul Razzaq. They are all hit-out-or-get-out batsmen and it may not take them beyond the quarters.

  4. Pingback: Kamran Akmal’s secret revealed | Cricket and other sundries

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