Tag Archives: ravi shastri

OmnipRAVIsent

I don’t know Ravi Shastri the cricketer as much as Ravi Shastri the everythinginindiancrickettoday, For most periods, the all knowing BCCI loyal commentator. He is now the Director of Cricket for the Indian cricket team in England for the ODI leg, to cover the dismal display in the Tests. But that is not all, he is much more than that.

 

Ravi Shastri has been promoted to head the All India Football Association, and the previous head will be reporting to Ravi Shastri. This move is to make sure that India make it to the next Nehru Cup finals and win it.

 

Ravi Shastri will replace Nasser Hussain as the English expert for the next Pataudi series, so there is no anti-BCCI sentiments in the BCCI commentary box. Mr. Shastri has always promoted peaceful processes in cricket.

 

Even the ECB like Ravi Shastri. He has been selected into the English ODI squad to play against India. A source talking on behalf of the England’s chairman of selectors told us that England preferred this Ravi to the one the internet is harping about for being ditched. “We always liked Ravi. There is always that buzz around him.”

 

Ravi Shastri will be sent by the United Nations to bestow peace between the Palestinians and the Israelis. In the speech given while taking up the task, Mr. Shastri mentioned that an extra long presentation ceremony with dignitaries and honorary members from both nations at the dais will create harmony between the two nations. Also, to show that all nations are equal, a man-of-the-match will be selected from both sides and will be given an IPL contract too.

 

If you are wondering about it, yes, Ravi Shastri also owns an IPL side. The Mumbai Indians, of course. “It gives me great opportunity to give something back to the city that made me who I am. I always got the feeling, Mumbai Indians was the right was to show it.”

 

Ravi Shastri has also signed up for the next Batman sequel. “Dark Knight : Rises Up In the Air”. He will be driving an Audi through the streets of Gotham and saving the city from the darkest third umpires and match referees. He is not the man that Gotham deserves, or needs, but gets. Just like that other situation that got Ravi Shastri.

 

Also, Ravi Shastri will head the special task force to form the right Test squad for Australia. He has laid his plan clear – “We win the toss and put some runs on the board and get the wickets. It is as simple as that.” He will be scouting for talent at the Champions League T20 tournament. “If the batsmen have the ability to stay for 4 overs, we got a team that can bat for 44 overs- that is luxury compared to how they fared in England. And the more the bowlers adapt to bowling hit-me balls, the faster we can eliminate the requirement of slips in totality.”

 

Ravi Shastri will also start a fund raiser to promote the sport in the suburbs of Indian metros, because the game really needs all it can to stay popular there. “The kids have resorted to football and weightlifting and boxing after the recent football World Cup and CWG and the movie on Mary Kom. It is our duty to bring the game back by investing some funds to this much needed locality.” You can buy your own “I ❤ BCCI” tees from their website and donate to the noble cause.

 

To know more about Mr. Shastri’s roles watch him talk about it himself as he hosts the show Kaun Banega Crorepati?.

 

243094-ravi-shastri

                   Yo Yo Ravi Shaz3

 

Bagrat

Advertisements

Ravi Shastri, the Tracer Bullet

We still have 2 days for the next India game to commence against The Netherlands in the Cricket World Cup 2011.

I believe we also have two days to celebrate the downfall of a few useless players that MS Dhoni seems to like a lot — Piyush Chawla, RP Singh and Ravindra Jadeja, to name a few! For, how else can you explain their presence in Team India?

Normal programming should resume for the next game against West Indies, I believe, when R. Ashwin takes up the bowling for India — perhaps even within the first five overs.

But I thought we would lighten up the spirits — partially motivated by this effort — and pull together a compilation of Shastri-isms.

In general, if you want to speak like Shastri, it is best that you do not visit the toilet for about 22 days on the trot. Constipation tablets help too; the sort that creates, not cures, constipation! Having reached that state, all you then need is memorize and randomly use any of the phrases below. The 22-day constipation state will give you your voice. The rest is easy!

  • That shot raced to the fence went like a TRACER bullet
  • That will do his confidence a world of good
  • Dhoni will have to manuFACTture something here now
  • Dhoni will have to get a wicket soMEhow
  • India just HAS to get a wicket from someWHERe (like a sports shop perhaps?)
  • That is just BRILLiant captaincy
  • There is a LOT of cricket left in this game you know
  • Edged……………………… and TAKENNNNN
  • As long as Sachin is there, you can never write off India
  • As long as DHOni is there, you can never write off India
  • As long as SHEWAg is there, you can never write off India
  • As long as BHAJji is there, you can never write off India
  • GamBHIR is a little fighter. As long as GamBHIR is there, you can never write off India
  • India dePEND on Sachin just TOO much
  • Zaheer is a much improved bowler these days
  • This is a BIG game for these two sides
  • You can never write off this side
  • You can just feeeeel the atmosphere in this ground
  • The crowd is just elecTRICKKKK
  • This crowd has just come alIVE
  • This game has been set up so niCELy
  • This is JUST what this game needed
  • This is a craCKERJACK of a game
  • This spell will be CRUCial
  • This partnership will be CRUCial
  • This old ball will be CRUcial
  • This new ball will be CRUcial
  • We are in for a humdinger of a game here
  • That ball was SWEETly timed
  • That ball RACes to the fence (this is when he discards the TRACer bullet reference)
  • What a game this has been
  • Look at his concentration! Sachin TENDulkar looks set for a LONG innings folks
  • And uPP goes that DREADed fingER
  • That was JUST what the doctor ordered
  • This match is going down to the wire
  • So MS what was it like out there (“Well of course”)
  • And Dhoni goes for the maXIMum
  • BANGGG…… MAXIMUM
  • I have a feeling that one of them is going to cuT LOose now
  • This is India’s LASt recognized pair out there (when Sreesanth and Munaf Patel are batting)
  • I just get that feeling India are going to romp home with a win here (he gets lots of “feelings” you know!)

Please add…

– Mohan (@mohank on Twitter)