The venue for my club, East Malvern CC’s, annual President’s dinner was a Greek restaurant on a balmy Sunday evening in the eponymous suburb of East Malvern in Victoria, Australia.
The decades old club, which boasts Sir Garfield Sobers, yes, THE Sobers, among its many feted alumni, drew most of its stalwarts for this dinner which featured the Cricket Writer, Gideon Haigh as its keynote speaker.
I shy away from using the term keynote, as that connotes lissome lecterns, frowning faces and knotted knits about the neck. This event was none of that, especially considering that Haigh himself turned up in a faded old boat-neck T-shirt.
As he and I were the only vegetarians in the room, we were sat at the same table. Given that he is also a fellow offie, and doesn’t, by his own admission, turn the ball much, he is practically my blood kinsman.
Much in the manner of a harp of housewives gravitating to the subject of mothers-in-law, we shortly fell to picking over the disdain we suffer at the hands of batsmen both good and indifferent. Particularly rankling was how the eyes of those wood choppers light up, mouths split into toothy grins and chests puff up when the skipper hands us the ball with a look of worry on his face as he simultaneously sends everyone out to man the fences.
But, Contempt breeds unfamiliarity-thus spake…well, I.
Therein lies the offie’s utility to XIs, that ability to tempt the woodsmen into indiscretions they would not contemplate against our evil twins, the leggies.
Overcome with delight at not being fed lamb by the provedore, another Zorba lookalike, I inquired if Gideon was making the pilgrimage to India for the IPL. No, said he with a rueful laugh, I’ve taken such a position against it that I doubt if I’ll ever be welcome there.
Interestingly for such a prolific cricket writer, he has never set foot in India at all. Therefore, if, among the vast readership of this blog are the string pullers, I’m sure the hint will be taken.
Soon enough, after the warm up act provided by a succession of club worthies, Gideon Haigh took the floor.
He began with a quick varnam* on himself-Journalist for 26 years, cricketing writer for longer. He’s also played 181 games for South Yarra CC. Raising the bar for cricketing tragics everywhere, he ensured that marriage and the birth of his child didn’t interfere with the cricket season. His catch-cry, resonant with those who continue pursuits well beyond the age decreed by decorum is-‘Young once, immature forever’.
Tailored to the audience, he next sang the club administrator’s ninda-sthuthi (song of lament)-the never bridged chasm between expense and income, segued into those quirks entirely unique to club cricket in Melbourne and launched into the main R-T-P** for the night-Australia’s prospects for the 2010-11 Ashes, resuscitation of the ODI format and the spectre of the BCCI overtaking the ICC.
Ragam.
Ponting’s perceived inadequacies notwithstanding, the overall mood was that Australia would prevail, never mind the emergence of a newly competitive England.
Tanam.
The news of the death of the ODI format is greatly exaggerated. It can certainly be saved by some immediate surgery such as removal of over-limits on bowlers and the preparation of result wickets which would even the scales between bat and ball.
Pallavi.
At the time, there was a deadlock between Australia’s Howard and NZ’s Anderson for the ICC chair (since resolved in favour of John Howard). The discussion largely revolved around the relative merits of each candidate pertinent to their ability to handle the behemoth that was the BCCI. The view was that Howard, the wily politician that he was, was probably the best equipped. Time will tell.
Some tuqda-s*** of note included the four year residence of Gary Sobers in Victoria, and how, despite a popular groundswell of support for his appointment as Victoria’s coach, the fact that he did not have the appropriate piece of paper stymied it.
All in all, a wonderful evening, replete with nostalgia and the heady smell of that bond that unites cricket lovers, wannabes and tragics everywhere. I’m looking forward to next year.
Soundar.
*****************
An explanation of some of the musical terms for the elucidation of those not as familiar with the Carnatic musical form.
*Varnam
The opening piece of a Carnatic Music Concert-usually familiar, fast paced and mood setting.
**R-T-P
Ragam-Tanam-Pallavi, the central, three-piece bulwark of a full-length Carnatic Music Concert.
***tuqda
Short, popular pieces-sometimes based on audience requests, which round off a concert.
A conversation with Peter Roebuck
Srinivasan of the ‘Indian Voice’ in Melbourne organises a dinner around the Boxing Day Test every year featuring Peter Roebuck.
The venue is always at Indian restaurants, with names featuring ‘Punjabi’ ‘Dhaba’ ‘Masala’ ‘Curry’ and ‘takeaway’ in the usual permutations. The chef cum proprietor is routinely guilty 0f the interior decor, with a propensity for sequinned works featuring bearded grandees a-loll against bolsters receiving intoxicants from surahi bearing maidens with impossibly imposing implants. What looks very like a lungi on the wall with Taj Mahals all over it may well be my philistine eye not recognising a wall hanging when I see one.
None of this should take away from the menu which rarely deviates from Naan, dal makhani, mixed veg curry, papad and rice. For those of a certain persuasion, there a couple of other curries featuring body parts of young quadrupeds and bipeds.
The Roebuck dinner is an event I rarely miss, affording as it does the opportunity to fill up to the back teeth at the buffet for 10 bucks, listen to one of the most engaging writers and fluent talkers about the game.
Sadly this time around the numbers were’nt there at all. Maybe something to do with the fact that it was Pakistan and not India playing Oz? Sanjay Manjrekar is perhaps right after all. Maybe most Indians are just interested in Indian cricket.
Nevertheless it made for a relatively committed gathering that welcomed Peter at about half past seven. The usual format was for everyone to hoe into the buffet, at the conclusion of which Srini would introduce Peter, who would then hold forth for a bit, followed by questions from the floor. Srini would then wind up with a present of a kurta (Peter’s favourite garment whilst in India) and invitations to contribute to Peter’s favourite charity.
Peter is one, one suspects, who will talk cricket through the night if given the chance. Here then, are a few excerpts.
Most readers will recall that Peter had blasted Gayle for his stance apropos Test Cricket prior to landing on these shores.
Peter said he consistently states his mind with the facts at hand. If that meant that he changed his views and opinions from time to time, so be it. So long as the process was consistent, the end results could well change. Certainly, once Gayle demonstrated some responsible leadership in Oz, Peter did not see his commitment to Tests as an issue any more.
High praise from Peter who was reminded of a young Sachin who hit perfectly good deliveries breathtakingly well. The crucial thing that separated the ‘Nadamaadum Deivam’ (my phrase, not Peter’s) from Umar was the latter’s ‘youthful impetuosity’ that caused him to throw away his wicket after he reached 51. What struck him about Sachin back then, reminisced Peter was that, even at 19, he had a ‘calm centre’ within him that ensured that he was hitting the ball amazingly well on its merits, not just with youthful abandon.
This was a topic that delved into areas outside of cricket such as an evolving national image, an improved understanding of the wider world and apropos cricket, soul searching post Kumble 2007. That said, what I understood him to mean was that the hacks are, person for person, more deserving of credit than is given them. For the most part, they tend to be aligned to either the Fairfax or the News Ltd stables, each of which caters to a certain demographic. Articles are then written to suit.
This reminded me of Suketu Mehta’s take on Bollywood film directors. ‘None of them are remotely the idiots that their movies would lead you to believe’. Or words to that effect.
Contrary to the jingoism and triumphalism that might be expected, we the discerning audience took the view that India’s reign would be short lived. Largely because the fab four were on the way out, our bowling still does not inspire, the much beloved BCCI still operates as a fiefdom dispensing benevolence and largesse etc etc. Without disagreeing, he also pointed out that India could not have reached the top without Australia, SAF and to an extent England stumbling periodically. In defence of the BCCI he pointed out the fact that state level cricketers could now make a decent living from the game. ‘Fathers who, fifteen years ago were doing all they could to dissuade their boys are now pushing them with the same force into the game!’
He didn’t hold back in chiding Indians for seeing conspiracies and bloc politics whenever anything went against India or Bucknor did us in again. A pretty thin skinned and one eyed mob we were, said he. Hard to disagree, especially if you share my opinion that we conveniently lose sight of when we benefit , as we did with SK Bansal in that 2001 epic in Kolkata.
As an aside, has anyone heard of Bansal after that game?
And so it went, till Srini had to reluctantly call stumps. As we trooped out into the warm night though, we were all in agreement that we had NOT got our hard earned’s worth.
For, there was no ‘gulab jamun’ to finish off.
Soundar
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